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All persons and situations reflected in these writings are pretty much fictional, based on generalizations over the course of many years of counseling. Any actual events or settings have been changed, including names and other details, to protect client confidentiality.



Are Pollywogs Asexual?

3/7/2019

3 Comments

 
I've had two inquiries in two weeks about the same issue: the wife would like more sexual participation from the husband. For men who wish for the same, I know what you're thinkin': "can she counsel my wife?" The truth is, however, there is far more often than not some degree of compatibility issues in regards to sex between husbands and wives. Thus, a semi-rare HeyJohn re-run is called for. If you didn't already know, I'm in a bit of a snit with Dear Crabby. Although she often gives out easy, kinda common sense "advice", sometimes she spaces out. As my correction dealt with specifically this sex issue, I thought it appropriate to run it again. Abbs was a space chicken here. "Asexual"? I thought that was what pollywogs were. Anyway, batter up toots. I maintain it's way past time to retire...

Dear Crabby is now Dear Crabby Junior, with her much-younger-than-she-was (however, she is 75) semi-hip daughter having purchased the name. Not to mention she makes a lot of moola on her column. Sometimes she’s on, and sometimes she's off. But you know, you owe it to the public not to be massively off the wall. I don’t go around lookin’ for fights, but this bizarro piece of advice got my toes tingling.
 
So here’s the contention: a lady writes Crabbington complaining that her “masculine” husband of four years is only “having sex” twice a month with her. They are both early forties. She goes on to say, “I don’t want to cheat, but I’m afraid I eventually will if my needs aren’t met”. Crabs responds by saying, “he appears to have very low sex drive, or he may be borderline asexual.” If you try some counseling or sex toys, and it doesn’t work, “you will have to decide if you are prepared to live with the situation as it is.”
Yow! That seems a little strange. Borderline asexual? Is this really advice? Call me old, or call me old fashioned (just don’t call me late for supper), but I still think marriage is supposed to be about true love, a presumption of permanence, mutual respect for each other, and that ol’ for better or for worse promise thing. If not, why’d you get married in the first place? So Crabbington, Jr., let’s revise that odd assessment and “hip advice”. How about:
 
Dear Needs More,
First you need to review why you married this man. “I don’t want to cheat” should never be used as a threat, or even in the deck in the first place. Review your love, loyalty and commitment to him. Secondly, a loving couple should look out for each other. You might want to consider having a talk with him with a few ideas (logically a checkup first). He, on the other hand should we willing to forgo pride or embarrassment and help his true love anyway he can. A competent doctor’s appointment could easily determine low testosterone levels (relax fellas, it's just blood work), and is dealt with pretty easily and very commonly. He needs to get over any machismo about asking for help, and you need to re-learn commitment and loyalty. If anyone suggests an off the wall diagnoses like “asexual”, you might seriously question their expertise and judgment. There’s a whole bunch of reasons why couples get out of sync in their love life. If y'all need a counselor, therapists are listed everywhere online, and some have customer ratings. Y’all work like a loving dedicated couple on solutions and always take care of each other.



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3 Comments
Cali Curmudgeon
3/8/2019 10:13:40 am

This is a classic. Your Dear Crabby uni-directional feud has (i) given her one more reader, me - just to see what stupid stuff she puts out there so I can anticipate your response, and (ii) greatly entertained me. By my estimate she puts out ridiculous nonsense at least once a week that is worthy of rebuttal. You could make a living off re-answering her letters with reasoned and reasonable advice. Keep up the good work.

Reply
HeyJohn link
3/8/2019 02:57:47 pm

Many thanks. This would be one boring career though, following around behind 75 year old Dear Crabby with a pooper scooper. Just do me a favor. If you don't hear from me for a while, check the trunk of her Bentley. As for now, I'm off to do more counseling.

Reply
Tinamarie Kizzar
5/3/2019 05:32:17 am

Thanks 😉

Reply



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    All persons and situations reflected in these writings are pretty much fictional, based on generalizations over the course of many years of counseling. Any actual events or settings have been changed, including names and other details, to protect client confidentiality.

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