You know, I'd be fine if my daughter decided to just be a lesbian. These guys nowadays are such pigs, she'd probably be better off just sticking with a girl. When I told her that, she blew a fuse and walked out the door. Do you think she’s homophobic? Am I too “hip” as a Dad? What do you say?
I’m going to have to address this issue in two parts: The Behavior of 21st Century Males and To Be Or Not To Be (Gay). Is That A Question?
Part One: 21st Century Males
I have heard story after story from disappointed females about pig-like behavior from males. What do you think about a guy going out with a girl on a first date and offers her money to stay longer? How about one who rips her phone out of her hand so he can check her texts and Facebook? How about a young husband who gets physically threatening when he’s drinking, which is every weekend. Notice I’ve left out the raped females. I’m also leaving out the great males who should be a role model for the lesser males.
So the questions are:
- Is there an evolutionary decline in males?
- Is it possible to impact this decline? -and-
- How do females find the good males?
In these days with the perfect storm of numerous divorces, reduced Daddy role modeling and a generation and ½ of bizarro male role models based on imaginary males (and females) in film, television and the internet, it seems that the mannerly, gentlemanly model of males is not seen much. Just when we were getting a little civilized, we decline back to the caveman? De-evolution. Great. Obviously it’s not true of all males, but a significant increase of idiot behavior seems to be possible.
Can we impact this decline by modeling ourselves? By teaching or speaking out? I don’t know. But to slump over and moan, “It’s just the way it is” seems kinda cowardly, ya know? Role modeling proper behavior and actively teaching our children, even if it really didn’t impact many people seems less tragically helpless. It’s all parents responsibility to teach manners and respect for women to their children (males and females). Improper behavior needs to be addressed. It’s also important to note that any nine year old kid with a phone can access hardcore porn. Parents need to address this issue as well. Girls should not be viewed as potential porn queens.
How to locate quality males? I wish people would write in and share their opinion. I’d think a history class might be better than a dive of a bar. Who knows? Picking up kids at a daycare and meeting someone? Shopping at the grocery store and noticing (an unmarried) nice Daddy with his child? I don’t know. I met mine at a ping pong table in college. Remind your daughter to keep her standards high. Nice people are out there.
NEXT UP: “She’d be better off sticking with girls”. Maybe yes, maybe no.
Next week at your favorite local digital newspaper: BrownwoodNews.com
Part Two: To Be Or Not To Be (Gay). Is That A Question?
You know, I'd be fine if my daughter decided to just be a lesbian. These guys nowadays are such pigs; she'd probably be better off just sticking with a girl. When I told her that, she blew a fuse and walked out the door. Do you think she’s homophobic? Am I too “hip” as a Dad? What do you say?
Somewhere Over The Rainbow
When your daughter comes to you sadly or angrily about some idiot boy, she probably needs a compassionate and understanding ear. Instead, you challenged her sexuality. You likely had good intentions, but sometimes we need to shut our pie holes and just listen.
As a qualifying statement, I am not prejudiced towards sexual orientation (on either side). That being said, to presume life would be easier being gay is naive. There are all sorts of problems that gay folks have. There is a much higher incidence of substance abuse, depression, and for those that let their sexuality define a hyper-sexual lifestyle, the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases, including deadly AIDS is much higher than the national average.
Most of us know people who appear to be born gay. The controversy at hand is, can you “switch sides” at will? I’m not sure anyone knows the answer to that question. However, my many years as a therapist working with thousands of adolescents, I have seen the passing of many “disenfranchised youth”. There were “Goths” with a kind of vampire-ish appearance. Much sadness and/or anger. Then came the “emos”, emotional, misunderstood, and wore their feeling on their sleeves. It appears the newest disenfranchisement is declaring your sexuality at an early age. I have had a fair number of pissed off thirteen year olds tell me definitively that they are switching genders. Lots of broken, dysfunctional families are producing all sorts of lost kids. Are they genuinely gay? Perhaps. Perhaps not. To challenge them nose-to-nose is disrespectful and not therapeutic. To let it slide by with no comment is also not therapeutic. It’s a tough situation as a counselor. I do remind kids that permanently defining yourself in anything in your early teens is premature. Everyone seems to agree with the statement: "Thirteen is not sixteen. Sixteen is not nineteen. And nineteen sure isn’t twenty-five". Maybe we are not supposed to really know who we are in many regards until we are a little older. After all, straight or gay, being sexual at an early age is developmentally unsound. For the kids out there who are confused, I think rather than a premature declaration, you might want to officially declare, at least for a while that you are undecided.