I swear I don’t thumb through my newspaper looking for something to complain about. I read “Ann Landers” and her twin sister “Dear Abby” since I was a kid, and kinda liked them. At the tender age of 24, I began my work as counselor because other than bowling and ping pong, it was something I was good at. Now, celebrating my 40th year as a therapist, I feel like I have some degree of expertise in helping others. Although I try to be on point, I know there have been times when I have been mediocre. However, mediocre is a million miles better than sucking in a giant way. Jeannie Phillips is the 75 year old daughter of deceased “Abby”. Why she has her photo when she was 42 posted I’ll never know. Still, a hundred year old pic is still way more understandable than her latest piece of advice. I do not wish to bore my readers with doggin’ this gal, but this screwed up advice is just screaming for a rebuttal.
 
To paraphrase: Dear Crabby, I am suffering from postpartum depression. I do everything for my kids, and my husband is making feel like I don’t do enough. I’m already out the door “before he even drags himself out of bed”. Then he makes me feel guilty about a number of things. “If I weren’t here, he’d have no clue as to what to do. How do I fix this situation”?
[Signed, Exhausted]
 
Crabigail suggests seeing a doctor so he can help her explain the problem to Mr. Lazybutt. But she concludes with this big bomb (rephrased, but still pretty accurate):  “if he doesn’t step up, you could blow your brains out and he could indeed be left with the sole responsibility of taking care of the kids”. That’s how you “fix this situation”? Yow! The exact quote is available on my public Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/JohnSommerCounseling/posts/971960859645800 (copy and paste if the link didn't work) just in case you need some kind of bizarro proof. Anyway, let’s help this rich ‘ol gal with a therapist’s take on the request for help.
 
Dear Exhausted,
You have self-diagnosed yourself with possible postpartum depression. Thus, I assume you have a recent addition to your family. From your description, it sounds like you are worn down to the bone, AND are suffering from a struggling marriage. In the event your self-diagnoses is correct, getting a medical opinion from a physician (a competent shrink would be better yet) who deals with depression would be wise. Additionally, you need some guidance from a professional who can perhaps be of assistance with your struggling marriage. If your unmotivated husband refuses to participate, you need some individual assistance. At worst, it’s an hour break with a good conversation with another adult. At best, you can get introduced to some stress/anxiety relief strategies, as well as some hopefully personal growth ideas. You have a lot of responsibility, and Mr. Lazybutt is making it harder yet. I hope that your husband shakes off his seemingly selfish behavior, and jumps to the rescue of his family. There is truly some relief to be had, but sometimes we need to be introduced to some new ideas. If it’s a solo venture, it’s time to ask qualified people for ideas and inspiration in order to help you and your children. In transcending your burdens, we not only gain personal relief, but we provide our children a cool role model of how to solve problems. As you learn, so will they.

Hey John,
A few years ago I was convicted of a felony and given five years probation. I had a tiny amount of hash with me, and because it is basically marijuana pollen, I believed it to be a misdemeanor if I was ever pulled over. Obviously I was wrong, but that is a separate story. I am writing to get clarification on the terrible voting laws of our state of Texas. I really wanted to vote in the last presidential election, as I have always considered voting an important feature of living in our United States. I was rudely informed at the courthouse that I was not able to vote due to my heinous illegal act. I almost started singing “Elected” by Alice Cooper to her, but I thought there might be a law against that too, so I didn’t. Was I a murderer? An arsonist? A serial child molester?  So I ask: what’s wrong with Texas? How long am I supposed to get punished for my mistake? Will I ever get to vote again?
Singing The Texas Voting Blues
 
Dear Alice,
I like that 1972 song as well. After all, it was the first election I was able to vote in. Oops. Sorry. I didn’t mean to rub salt in your Texas-sized wound. While I await a return call from my legal eagle consultant, I will tell you what I know. If you have been convicted of a felony, a person must wait five years after their probation or parole is completed before they may register to vote. I am not certain of the logic of this law preventing a person from voting if they received a felony conviction. Perhaps the author of this old law was getting even with a family member who broke the law. Who knows? However, if you received deferred adjudication it means if you successfully complete your probation, you never received a final conviction. Thus you may vote during your probation. As we know, once someone has “paid the price for their crime”, the punishment is supposed to be over. The Texas legislature apparently thinks differently. For a current version of this train of thought, please look up the Texas Surcharge. But, as you say, that is another issue. If you search by: http://www.fyi.legis.state.tx.us/Zip.aspx, you can locate your local Representative. Writing a brief request to have them re-visit the Texas voting requirements to allow a person who has been convicted of a felony to vote like a United States Citizen is a good start. A follow-up request in two months or so is also recommended. In the event your (our) efforts yield no fruit, when your time arrives, head down to the courthouse and register to vote. In this way you might be able to vote out of office people who you think are doing a poor job of watching out for their constituents. I hope you thoroughly enjoy your opportunity to vote.

Hey John,
Ever since the local election, I've lost some friends over differences in opinions on the    candidates. Now that the vote is over, how can I patch those bridges and be friends again? This messy little election sure makes my heart ache.
Rocky Mountain Spring Water Tears
 
Dear Springin’ Tears,
Your situation is not uncommon, unfortunately. Somebody runs for some kind of office, and somebody runs against. People line up on one side or the other, then become hyper-sensitive to their perceived opposition. There are a number of intellectual errors that often take place. The most obvious one is that people with strong feelings forget that they are expressing their opinion. Many folks mistake their opinions about candidate’s faults or strengths as undeniable facts rather than merely an opinion. When they are approached with an opposing thought, massive constipation begins. In order to avoid this problem, people generally surround themselves with people who think like they do. Then they can rant to an appreciative audience: liberal or conservative, gay or straight, vegan or meat lover, rich or poor, ad infinitum. As I have found that in this world of press-driven divisiveness, differing beliefs are seen as an attack rather an opportunity to understand the other person’s point of view. Just because I understand someone’s political stance does not mean I have to agree with them.
I have a life-long friend who feels very differently than I do on a number of political issues. We have agreed to keep politics out of our friendship. I have had to remind fine friend a time or two that our great friendship is politically neutral, and 45 years later, here we are, happy as clams. Looking back at the beginning days of our friendship, we liked each other’s company, had fun and shared plenty of common interests. I have no idea who she voted for in 1972, nor does it matter. Besides, logically, neither one of us is going to change the beliefs of one another, so why on earth get into a fuss? The mistake you and your friends made is to debate the candidate’s worthiness with friendship on the line. We are so trained to respond to what someone says that no one takes the lead in kindly refusing to debate a simple matter of opinion. In your case, someone needs to try to repair the unnecessary damage by taking the lead, and in so many words, lovingly agree to disagree. What’s more important, a friendship or who or what you voted for? If friends cannot mend simple fences, the friendship was pretty light weight from the start. Fortunately, we live here in the United States of America where we all get to have an opinion. Lucky us. I hope your hot headed friends feel the same.

Hey John,
I have three children. My husband and I both work. We used to have meals together, but now we usually eat separately. I keep the refrigerator and freezer full of food, so there's always stuff to eat, but now all the kids eat in their rooms watching TV. I'm feeling guilty about our lifestyle, as that was not how my family used to eat. What is your take on this?
Feeling A Little Sad
 
Dear Little Sad,
First of all, your signature says a lot. Obviously you are not happy with the arrangement. The "new" family is busier than in years past with both parents working, the kids in extra activities, etc. Or, because the kids are so dang picky, and you and your husband like tasty normal food, it is easier to have them eat their nasty little chicken nuggets first, and later the parents have their meal. So, is the 21st century family eating habits born of necessity or convenience? A long hard look might reveal convenience trumps necessity. There are a few things that eating together adds to our lives. How on earth will children learn proper manners if they have neither a role model nor instruction? Some conversation at the table is way better than only learning to watch TV while jamming food down our gullet. And the kids can remember what their parents actually look like. With all the stuff we all do, kid and adults alike, we spend less and less time with each other.
 
However, realistically, there are plenty of times eating together is impossible. Kids after school sports activities really screw things up. So does having to work late. If that is your reality, then plan on "supper nights" that everyone is expected to be in attendance. More than once a week is good. Additionally, some solo eating guidelines may be in order, such as:

• You may read while you eat, but all meals are to be consumed at the supper table. No more TV while you are eating.
• To insure some degree of nutrition, we now have a notebook on the counter. Everyone, including the adults needs to log in what they ate for their meal.
• We also will have a shopping list for you to add things you would like to eat.
• [Add your ideas]

 
Hey Feeling A Little Sad, you will blink your eyes, and the kids have moved out. You better get busy making some loving changes, as you are running out of time. Plus, then you can happily sing the Crosby, Stills and Nash song:  ♫Teach.... your children well.....♪
Bon appétit!