She came in as a probation referral. A grown woman with a shoplifting charge: two of them! I asked her, as politely as I could, "umm, aren't you a little old for a teenage ghetto-girl shoplifting charge"? She said, "well, actually, I don't remember it- I was on Xanax®". Whatever. That was one of the goofiest excuses I had ever heard (although I politely rephrased by disbelief). She asked with some degree of amazement, "aren't you the local expert counselor on drugs? You don't know about the stealing amnesia you can get with Xanax?" I had never heard of it before, and I have never stopped hearing about it since. I have asked dozens of Xanax eaters about it, and apparently it is rather common knowledge. You eat a bar (or two!) of Xanax; that's 2mg per bar, go to Wal-Mart, come home and you have plastic table fruit in your purse. Or purple lipstick. Or a couple of hair dyes. Stupid amnesia from your (or someone else's) script. Not the high I would consider being desirable.
 
Many years ago, my doctor prescribed the new drug Xanax for me. He gave me a seven day sample. Ha! Samples of Xanax! Can you imagine? Anyway, it was a .25 mg. dose (1/4 of a mg.). It did its job. I was a little heavier then, and even so, the evening med (now please imagine a cool, smooth DJ voice saying this) turned me into a cool, late night...... jazz...... DJ. A couple of days later, I figured what to do about my bad stressful situation and discontinued. Now imagine not a 240 lb man, but a woman, 100 lbs. less who takes two bars, that is, SIXTEEN TIMES my dose. I know many people who are prescribed one mg., three times a day. Oh, that's only TWELVE times my dose. And, this is fairly common. Massively sedated, appearing to be very drunk people are all over the place. They are pitied by most people who know them, including, unfortunately, their children. Did I mention the frequency of alcohol consumption with Xanax?
 
Now for the least enjoyable part of this massively stupid prescription game: withdrawal. Casually ask any "partier" who likes Xanax, what it's like to run out. While you’re at it, ask the same to a friend who has a doctor who routinely prescribes her/him a typical large dose for some ailment. The withdrawal can be, and usually is, unbearably painful. And for a good number of days. It's absolutely no joke. People get pretty desperate for a dose when they run out.
 
Hey, as a side note: do you know what one potential reaction is for Xanax? RAGE! So much for the prescription anxiety-assistance for the heavily medicated. Rage. Hey doctors, did you know that? No? Why on earth not?
 
So, the bottom line is this: a small dose of Xanax can be a gift for those who need it, and there are plenty who do. Large, massively sedating doses are sad. Getting a 'script from a doc or off the streets makes no difference. This is a stupid drug to use for partying, and a really sad drug to use in high doses, prescribed from either greedy or unknowledgeable doctors. Come on, y'all: work at pulling your shit together.
 
Final side note: the "shoplifting Mama" is doing magnificently. Children are growing up and succeeding at their endeavors, and so is she. It was a genuine pleasure seeing her recently. No more 'scripts, and a lot of personal growth. She looked wonderful.

I am reminded of the excellent cartoon that shows a person standing at a bookstore counter. He looks down the aisle and asks the clerk: “I’m sick of reading self-help books. Where can I find the books on how to change everyone else?”
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The mother brings in her 14 year old son to the counselor and laments that she can’t get him off his lazy ass to do a single chore in the house. No shoes, no shirt, no service: that's her kid. It’s him and his Xbox 360. Period.
 
Another woman is concerned her marriage is teetering. Her husband of twelve years is tired after work (she works too), and plops down to Fox News and a handful of brewskis on a nightly ritual. No talkin’, no laughin’, no nuttin’. Sex? Seems a stretch.
 
Junior is pissed that his divorced parents aren’t worth much. His Mom works, and returns to her self-made nasty house. Bad mess and it smells bad too. At his Dad’s house, Pops caters only to his (third) girlfriend’s kids he recently moved in with. Junior is relegated to the tiny add-on bedroom with questionable internet connectivity.
 
So counselor, what you gonna do? Although there exists some minor, temporary relief in sharing our miseries, I would prefer to provide an extra degree of assistance. After the temporary minor relief of misery sharing, I may ask for their assistance. I’ve plumped up a little in the last twenty years or so. So I request, “I need to de-porkify myself  somewhat. I want you to make me lose weight. Not much, maybe twenty pounds or so. Do it to me; make me lose weight. Please.” Once they stop looking at me like I’ve popped a screw, I ask them if it’s possible. The obvious answer is no. They may toss out diet ideas, but I try to stay focused on the point: make me lose weight. No can do. This is directly applicable to a great many situations counselors work with. The real answer is that it is a great sum of effort to make changes in our own life. To base our happiness or successes on making others change is a life of frustration and helplessness.
 
So you ask (well, actually, I’m asking), should people give up on trying to improve the home, their kids, their spouses? Absolutely not. We should however work at changing ourselves in order to show the way to others. Examples based on the above samples:
● Xbox Boy: Mom: “Your time for gaming will be based on the completion of a couple of chores. You have two more days of no-chore vacation. After that you and I will put together a small list of things I need done each day. At the completion of them, I’ll hand you back your power cord.” Expect some resistance, and perhaps a minor shit fit or two, but thirty minutes of trash taking, dishwasher unloading, bed making, cat box cleaning, etc. is easily worth some hours of mindless video entertainment.
● Brewski man: Her: “sweetheart, we sure have become boring and sedate as we’ve gotten older. I’d like to add an activity for us during the week, and one on our weekend. What sounds good to you? Bowling? The movies? Listening to some live music? Any ideas?” Him: “babe, I’m worn down after work, and I just wanna suck on some suds and watch the news.” Her: “OK, I understand. So I hope you won’t object to me adding some more to my life. I’m going to do all the above, at least for a while. I’d rather have my man (him) with me, but I really need to improve myself, and I hope this will help.” Then you do it. With friends or solo. You lead the way with self improvement and you increase the odds the spouse may get inspired. Or perhaps worried his love is having fun without him. Regardless, she is actively working at improving herself.
● Junior: “Well, obviously, I can’t count on my bizarro parents to guide me to a happy life, so what can I do to improve myself? I don’t want to play high school football, but you know, getting in to some solid weight lifting would make me look pretty good. I’m going to ask the coach if I can work out with the team after school. Also, having an adult to visit with would be good. I’m going to see if I can find me a counselor. I’ll start by asking our school counselor who she’d recommend, and go from there. I’m going to take charge of my young life as much as I can and stop waiting for my parents to make my life better.”
 
Making improvements in our lives is a fair amount of work. Making short term plans rather than huge, lofty ones increase the probability of success and some self satisfaction. Going to a counselor to help a situation? You should be prepared to try a few new things yourself if your intention was to really improve things, even to help to change others.