Shopping With Children: The Curse of the Cereal Aisle

Years ago I was recovering from a mighty mediocre presentation I had given a few weeks before when a friend called me up and asked if I could do a short presentation for her women’s group. I was a little ill at ease because (1) I had recently given a kinda crappy presentation (i.e. poorly prepared) and (2) I knew every woman in this group. However, with her mildly desperate pleading, I agreed. As I knew all the ladies in this group, I also knew that they were relatively young, and highly capable mothers. So I did a presentation on How To Keep From Losing Your Mind In The Dreaded Cereal Section With Your Young Children. It was enthusiastically received. THIRTY years later (!), the same friend announced to a group at a party that I had saved her sanity so many years before by a piece of advice that helped her stay calmer and more in control with her kids! So, years later I share it with y’all…..
 
I learned this while working at an extremely rural residential treatment center for abused and neglected kids. My group averaged in age and/or maturity about thirteen years old. Nine boys. They were poorly raised, at best. Most were pretty untrained humans. If I cut loose my little animal farm in, let’s say in a Safeway, there would be many errors made. Many. So I learned, in the raw jungle of survival, how to increase the odds of proper behavior.
 
Any activity we embarked upon, we would have a brief meeting about my expectations. Not just what they couldn’t do, but what they could as well. Later, I refined my “expectation meeting” to my children. It really worked well. Actually, it became essential. I shall enumerate:

• Get out of the car and have a quick meeting. Keep it short and reasonable for the age.

For example, one might say: “Kids, here’s the deal. You do not have to stay beside me [it was a small store]. However, as you know, there is no running down the aisles because you might run into someone. If you run, you will stay right beside me. Also, it is Sarah’s turn to pick out the cereal. It’s ok to make a request to her, but no fussing regardless of what she chooses. And remember, no grief at the checkout when you look at all the candy they put there to drive kids (and parents) crazy. You can look over all of it and think about which candy you would choose when we get it next time, as long as y’all do well in the store.”

• STOP. No more rules. Keep it simple.

 

• In quickly dissecting the example you can see that: *if you have a short, little dramatic meeting, *anticipate what the kids may do, and *minimize the rules and remind them what they can’t and can do, you have set the rules of the game before it is played. You have now seriously reduced the numbers of unacceptable behaviors.

 

• Also know that you will occasionally have to prove you meant what you said. A spazz attack in the cereal aisle might result in no kid-choice cereal that shop. Occasionally, we have to suffer a little to teach the (hopefully rare) accountability. You likely will not have to do this often.

 
This strategy is very successful not only because you are instructing the kids what they can and can’t do (set the rules of the game before the game is played), but equally important, you are predicting what they may do. This almost always results in calmer, more logical parenting.