Back in the day when my clientele was made up of a lot of various addictions, I got the reputation for not scaring people away too quickly. I viewed this as some kind of accidental "technique" of side-stepping people's defensiveness. I later figured out I was not pushing the normal buttons that get people all worked up and defensive. I have since semi-cleverly named this accidental process, "uncommon responses". However, upon further reflection, I figured out that I did this (again, rather innocently) with my own kids as well. When your child (of all ages) has grievously errored, a normal response might be to go thermal nuclear on them. Then, subconsciously, they know the subsequent punishment was because their parent was so angry. Lost in their minds is the fact that they were the ones that caused this to happen in the first place. To learn from one's mistakes means you have to acknowledge it was your mistake in the first place. Staying calm and rational is certainly an uncommon response to goonball behavior, our kids or my clients. When my teenage client told me he angrily stomped his laptop to death, I responded: "Wow! I bet it looked like a bomb went off! Could you wire the hard drive to another monitor so you don't lose all your school work you had done?" It was then that he acknowledged he had mightily screwed up and asked if there was some way he could get angry without doing things he'd beat himself up for many weeks later. Proper accountability: it's not just for the enlightened anymore.....
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