Man, this divorce thing is for the birds. No joke. As a seasoned therapist, I should know this answer, but how come people no longer have the ability of mutual loving sacrifice? The ability to solve problems, large and small? To be dedicated to succeed in a permanent marriage?
But, that is not the topic of the day. As another couple bites the dust, another child is called to court so the judge can ascertain which parent can have "more" custody privileges than the other. It reminds me of the harsh movie, "Sophie's Choice". The Nazis gave the mother her choice: pick which daughter you want us to kill, or they both die. Clever little Nazis. Clever little divorcing parents. [German Nazi accent please]: "So vitch vun of your parents do you love more, little boy? Ve vill give you to ze vun you say you love more". Some obvious differences here, but the effect, though less dramatic, is similar. The nice judge will listen to the kid with some degree of compassion (hopefully), and try not to punish the kid more than the parents have. Then off go the divorced parents saying, "the kids will be okay 'cause they're resilient". Whatever.
So, kids being raised by divorced parents can be better served by each parent incorporating into their normal parenting régime some traits or skills of the other parent. For example: women are often times better task masters than the males. Doing dishes, completing homework, helping with the science diorama, bathing the kids etc. are just a few examples. Men, more often than women, may take the kids fishing, shoot some hoops, go to Six Flags. Women often times take the brunt of the work load with the kids. Dads are more fun. So, in order to create a more well rounded existence, the moms and dads might add some of the activities that the other would have provided. Although it's not as good as having a pair of loving parents raising you, it's far better than splitting the kid's time between the stressed out, no fun mom, and the gooney Six Flags dad. I've met hard working divorced dads who patiently sit and help with the homework, and end the night by reading a story. I've also had a mom who bought a stunt kite (two string ) for the kids, and spent the afternoon mastering it together.
The universal principle is that we should raise our children to be better than ourselves. We can behave in a manner that, in fact, is better than we really are. Men can act more like patient, hard working women, and women can control their stresses and become more joyful and playful around their kids. Divorcing parents are already dealing their children a harsh blow. Improving and expanding their child rearing skills may minimize the damage, and perhaps even aid in raising well adjusted humans.
But, that is not the topic of the day. As another couple bites the dust, another child is called to court so the judge can ascertain which parent can have "more" custody privileges than the other. It reminds me of the harsh movie, "Sophie's Choice". The Nazis gave the mother her choice: pick which daughter you want us to kill, or they both die. Clever little Nazis. Clever little divorcing parents. [German Nazi accent please]: "So vitch vun of your parents do you love more, little boy? Ve vill give you to ze vun you say you love more". Some obvious differences here, but the effect, though less dramatic, is similar. The nice judge will listen to the kid with some degree of compassion (hopefully), and try not to punish the kid more than the parents have. Then off go the divorced parents saying, "the kids will be okay 'cause they're resilient". Whatever.
So, kids being raised by divorced parents can be better served by each parent incorporating into their normal parenting régime some traits or skills of the other parent. For example: women are often times better task masters than the males. Doing dishes, completing homework, helping with the science diorama, bathing the kids etc. are just a few examples. Men, more often than women, may take the kids fishing, shoot some hoops, go to Six Flags. Women often times take the brunt of the work load with the kids. Dads are more fun. So, in order to create a more well rounded existence, the moms and dads might add some of the activities that the other would have provided. Although it's not as good as having a pair of loving parents raising you, it's far better than splitting the kid's time between the stressed out, no fun mom, and the gooney Six Flags dad. I've met hard working divorced dads who patiently sit and help with the homework, and end the night by reading a story. I've also had a mom who bought a stunt kite (two string ) for the kids, and spent the afternoon mastering it together.
The universal principle is that we should raise our children to be better than ourselves. We can behave in a manner that, in fact, is better than we really are. Men can act more like patient, hard working women, and women can control their stresses and become more joyful and playful around their kids. Divorcing parents are already dealing their children a harsh blow. Improving and expanding their child rearing skills may minimize the damage, and perhaps even aid in raising well adjusted humans.
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