John S. Sommer Counseling
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Flippin' Out 

3/28/2017

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I would like to briefly enumerate a few of the things we teach our kids. We helped them to walk, taught them language, how to flip a light switch,  and how to use a toilet. We also introduced them to the use of utensils and hopefully manners, how to share, and on and on. So how ‘bout the flip side:  when they teach us? A few years ago, one tiny grandson almost twisted out of my arms to listen to a new sound: wind chimes. I wasn’t listening, but he was joyous at this incredible sound. So here we are, eight years later and I pulled out two quarters.  I had forgotten about the “skill” of coin flipping. Pull out a quarter and flip it in the air. Exactly how did you do that? Balance it on a finger with an edge sticking out. Put your thumb under it and flick it up. Not too high; maybe five inches or so. Now catch it and flip it upside down on the back of your other hand. Heads or tails?  It’s a huge new skill for a kid.
 
Now, have two players doing the same thing. You now have the game of “flips”. This is also known as “match or no match”. Are the coins the same (both heads for example), or different? You go back and forth with who gets to call. I conveniently left out the gambling aspect of this game that landed me in the 8th grade principal’s office a number of times...
 
Now you can progress to spinning your coin on a table top. Observe how you did this and teach the child. Usually the coin ends up half-way across the floor the first dozen times or so. Once they have it down, try to put your finger on the top of the spinning coin to stop it standing up. This one takes many, many tries to luckily finally get it [a big coin is easier than a small one]. We burned up over an hour of joy-filled entertainment / new skill.
 
The kids departed back to their parent’s house and were quite pleased with their new skill and game(s). However, it was clearly me that benefited the most. I love the song that sings of the beauty of looking “through the eyes of a child”. I may have instructed them on coin flipping, but far more importantly, they taught me the joy of their amazement of this new game and skill. It’s a nearly forgotten world of joy and delight  that is pretty easily accessible to we adults. My senses have been somewhat heightened since this fun little experience. I have been hearing birds more distinctly, and the colors of the new leaves on the springtime trees seem more vivid. Fantastic contrast between the bright new leaves and the blue sky. It may be that the excitement and wonder of children is contagious to we adults. I’m more than ready for another experiment.

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Yummy, Yummy Alcohol

3/1/2017

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You have been writing about hydrocodone, Xanax and pot. I don't want to be rude, but what qualifies you to write about drug use? I don't use any legal or illegal drugs, but I like to consume alcohol. My wife occasionally tells me I've “had enough to drink”. Although I often disagree, I will begrudgingly stop. So my second question is, how does one know if they’ve had too much to drink? And, expanding the question, how would someone know if they were drinking too much in general?
 
A. Man, I hate tossin’ around “expertise” stuff, but here you go: When I left my home state of California in 1977, I worked with troubled teens for about six years. I then became the Director of Substance Services for the local mental health agency back in 1982. We (I) served a seven county area. This was at the very beginning of the invent of crack cocaine, and bathtub methamphetamine. Prescription issues were Dilaudid (the Rx equivalent of heroin) and the very popular powerful diet pill, Preludin. Although I was pretty well versed in many street drugs, this was on-the-job training at its finest hour. I left my great position with the agency in 1987, and have been blessed with my wonderful private practice for thirty years. So, along with my licenses and certifications, which in my slightly bad-attitude opinion don’t really mean that much, I have been the big-boy expert guy for about thirty-five years.
 
B. Yummy ol’ alcohol. I started this part of my career as a bartender prior to my therapist life. Perhaps it was part of my therapist training... You know, a vast majority of alcohol consumers do not have issues with America’s favorite drug. That being said, your question is extremely relevant. One of the consistent effects of alcohol is some degree of judgment impairment. So, if our judgment is at least mildly impaired, sometimes we should rely on someone else’s opinion as to whether or not we have had too much to drink. Thus, when you say “I will begrudgingly stop”, I hope that doesn’t mean you are throwing a wall-eyed double-dog shit fit when you put the drinking brakes on; other people’s judgment may be better than our own. I think that we should know what is an acceptable amount of alcohol to consume in terms of amount. So if you and your wife split a good bottle of red wine, and then later you have a brewski, this may be your acceptable limit. If we rely on how we feel, we’re screwed. I have had many people who were way over the legal limit bitterly complain that they weren’t drunk. Impaired judgment? High tolerance? We should figure out what the limit should be and stay within those boundaries. Additionally, if you need guidance about how much you can drink to stay within the legal limits, call me. You can also find the drinking/driving charts online.
 
The global question regarding too much drinking in general is a surprisingly easy standard: if the drug is creating problems in your life, the drug is a problem. “Problems” can be financial, legal, work performance, social skills, etc. However, the most common evidence is the decline of our relationship of the person we love. Increased alcohol consumption can result in minor disagreements turning into huge arguments. Wasn’t alcohol fuel for a relaxed, enjoyable time? If it has mutated into tense, unpleasant experiences, it may be evidence of a problem. This is not flavored water, but rather a drug. Treat it accordingly.

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    I did NOT like writing stuff in school. However, now that it's voluntary, I like it. I'm still working on that attitude of mine.....

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    All persons and situations reflected in these writings are pretty much fictional, based on generalizations over the course of many years of counseling. Any actual events or settings have been changed, including names and other details, to protect client confidentiality.

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