I was 17 and made the mistake of calling my friend's judo tournament a karate tournament. He quickly admonished me and told me there was virtually no similarlties between the two martial arts. He further lectured me: "karate is for animals. It's meet force with force. You block and strike back. Judo however is a real martial art. You take the attacking person's energy and move with them to disable them. That's why a 100 lb. woman can completely disable a 300 lb. attacker. It's a lot of throws rather than blows".
I have incorporated Mr. Kawaguichi's summary into my own work with children, especially teens. Rather than attacking an issue or disagreement head on (force with force), I am far more efficient with the going-with-the-energy approach. A child complains to his father than he had said he was going to shoot some hoops with him after supper, but the Dad had to sweep out the garage first. The judo approach was to ask the son for a solution to the dilemma, as he (the Dad) definitely wanted to play, and daylight was running out. The boy suggested he could help the Dad do the sweeping, as long as the Dad promised to shoot hoops, even if got dark. Perfect.
A daughter, returning home on vacation from her first semester from college was concerned about curfews. In her first semester in college, she had no curfew, and didn't want to be treated like a baby at home. A karate approach would be to tell her tough luck- deal with it. The judo approach was to address her objections and figure out a solution. “I agree that a curfew seems to be a step backward. However, when you mother gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and you’re not back, she’ll never get back to sleep. What shall we do?” She suggested that regardless of how late she anticipated coming home, even 3 A.M., she would keep her self-imposed "curfew". If she had decided to spend the night at the friend's house, she would call no later than 1:00. The family later reported that although they were initially nervous about the compromise, she kept her word. As a side note, they were amused that despite the no-curfew agreement, she was usually home around midnight.
Obviously there are times when the parent has to pull out the because-I-told-you-so card, but the joy of dealing with issues by going with the other person's "energy" adding a few twists or flips of our own is the superior martial art of parenting.

Music Review
Let's get the negative stuff out of the way first. At the amazing Paul Simon concert at the Winspear Opera House in Dallas, Paul had a newbie on the lighting. There was a panel of near laser-like lights at the rear of the stage that were oddly aimed directly in our formally dilated pupils. So, for the first four songs or so, we were all forced out of self preservation to listen to the music with our arm  and hand outstretched to block the painful assault on all of our eyes. Does anyone remember what the songs were? Is anyone still seeing dark spots everywhere? So there's the stupid part of the concert.
As for the rest, the ten man band coupled with the greatest acoustics I have ever heard in my life made this a concert worth driving six hours for (although we did stay overnight in Ft. Worth). This 74 year old (!) performer was all-pro. New songs, old songs, a little chatter and an absolute WALL of sound made this unlike any other concert I have ever seen. I have never experienced a handful of songs with FIVE percussionists. The acoustics were so perfect, I could easily tell you where on the stage each instrument was being played. Did I mention the ultra plush carpeting? How about the joyful attendants every thirty feet? The outside patios to enjoy the amazing view of Dallas? Indoor parking? Easy departure?
Two encores and a conclusion of ten performers lined up, hand in hand taking a bow capped off a spectacular show. Job well done.

OK, so here’s the deal: kids are kids. Dealing with raising boys and girls is usually about the same in their early days. Nevertheless, some differences are apparent, at least through the eyes of a kid counselor. How so in counseling you might ask? Boys seem to process information better when they are doing something. Girls usually would like to sit and talk. Girls are often times “deeper” than their boy counterparts, as they are typically more introspective and expressive. Boys need to be helped along in a heavy conversation, girls need less prompting.

On a practical parenting note, boys respond to expectations or commands from a parent when there is physical reminder that you have given them an instruction. As an example, a highly capable grandmother was perturbed that her seven year old grandson was dismissing her bicycling rules. She had told him he had full reign of the yard and big driveway, and, a little reluctantly, told him he could bike down the alley as far as the second dumpster (about 75 yards down the alley). He instantly added on another thirty yards. She had to reprimand him a number of times, and was saddened by his apparent lack of respect. Boiling it down to its essence, she was trying to control the child through verbal warnings. An alternative approach would be to give him his biking limit, step out of view, then reappear at the anticipated time of his breaking the rule. Calmly bringing him back into the garage and suspending biking privileges for ten minutes (“or until I think you can remember what I had said”) is much more effective with boys.

In this sad day of so much single parenting, mothers need to adapt their discipline techniques to more effectively manage boys. Additionally, this is a step in the right direction in teaching boys the extremely important concept of proper respect for women. In the world of discipline, the rule is this: boys respond much better to (calm and logical) consequences than to constant verbal warnings and threats. As noted previously, females are much more verbal than males, so to adapt discipline to a more consequence-based approach is a lot of work. But you know - so what? When was parenting super easy anyway? As we expect our kids to learn, we have to role model learning for them. Ladies? This is not your style? Show your kids you can learn too.

Final note: this is not a politically correct note, but just a reality check. Most genders used here are interchangeable. Some mothers are far better disciplinarians than the fathers are. Also some girls are a far more of the pain in the butt than the boys. Nevertheless, kids need the adults to be in charge, and we should accept the responsibility and improve as we need to.  ♫Teach....your children well…♪