For you un-religious folks, you might want to slide on over to another entry, as this one, as we approach Christmas, appropriately enough, has some religious content to it.
 
If part of this essay looks somewhat familiar, it because I'm reusing some of my first essay of this blog-thing of mine. With all the activity around this great holiday, it's really hard for me to stay focused. In the Great Old Days with three massively excited kids running about, getting ready for Christmas there was little left-over thinkin' time. So many years later, with the adult kids set to arrive with a bunch of next generation children excitedly running amok, there still exists little time for reflection. Although I find myself almost giddy with the joy of everyone coming home, I really need to also process this religious event. Celebrating the day Jesus was born; a day that, two thousand years later is remembered and widely celebrated is a mind-boggling joy and privilege. If you're not a believer, you might want to be happy for all those people who are joyously celebrating. If you are a believer, perhaps we can remind ourselves: Jesus? Really? For us? Thanks a lot.
 
Picture this scenario: you're a sixteen or seventeen year old girl, snuggly asleep in your bed, and you wake up and there's a huge angel with big ol' wings standing next to your bed. Yow! It'd scare the dog out of you. So he says: "God has sent me to tell you that you are chosen to be the Mother of Jesus, the Savior of the world. She somewhat fearfully agrees, and zzzzt! she's just conceived God. Nine months later she gives birth to baby Jesus. Does she know what the Father knows? Out of love for us, he gave us his son, that in thirty-three years he would be beaten almost to death, then agonizingly nailed to a cross. For us. To save mankind. Unbelievable. What a deal. What a gift. The birth of Christ. Merry Christmas world.

Man, this divorce thing is for the birds. No joke. As a seasoned therapist,  I should know this  answer, but how come people no longer have the ability of mutual loving sacrifice?  The ability to solve problems, large and small? To be dedicated  to succeed in a permanent  marriage?

But, that is not the topic of the day. As another couple bites the dust, another child is called to court so the judge can ascertain which parent can have "more" custody privileges  than the other. It reminds me of the harsh movie, "Sophie's Choice". The Nazis gave the mother her choice: pick which daughter you want us to kill, or they both die. Clever little Nazis. Clever little divorcing parents. [German Nazi accent please]: "So vitch vun of your parents do you love more, little boy? Ve vill give you to ze vun you say you love more". Some obvious differences  here, but the effect, though less dramatic, is similar. The nice judge will listen to the kid with some degree of compassion (hopefully), and try not to punish the kid more than the parents have. Then off go the divorced parents saying, "the kids will be okay 'cause they're resilient".  Whatever.

So, kids being raised by divorced parents can be better served by each parent incorporating into their normal parenting régime some traits or skills of the other parent.  For example: women are often times better task masters than the males. Doing dishes, completing homework, helping with the science diorama, bathing the kids etc. are just a few examples. Men, more often than women, may take the kids fishing, shoot some hoops, go to Six Flags. Women often times take the brunt of the work load with the kids. Dads are more fun. So, in order to create a more well rounded existence, the moms and dads might add some of the activities that the other would have provided. Although it's not as good as having a pair of loving parents raising you, it's far better than splitting the kid's time between the stressed out, no fun mom, and the gooney Six Flags dad. I've met hard working divorced dads who patiently sit and help with the homework, and end the night by reading a story. I've also had a mom who bought a stunt kite (two string ) for the kids, and spent the afternoon mastering it together.

The universal principle is that we should raise our children to be better than ourselves. We can behave in a manner that, in fact, is better than we really are. Men can act more like patient, hard working women, and women can control their stresses and become more joyful and playful around their kids. Divorcing parents are already dealing their children a harsh blow. Improving and expanding  their child rearing skills may minimize the damage, and perhaps even aid in raising well adjusted humans.