John S. Sommer Counseling
  • Home
  • Qualifications
  • Location
  • Photos & Essays
    • Photos
    • Essays >
      • The Entertainment Director
      • Fathers and Daughters
      • Reframing: The Art of Looking Deeper
      • The Incredible Absorbing Man
      • The Little Old Man Stuck in My Head
      • The Lobster Tale
  • Links
  • Contact Us
  • Blog
  • Sound Bites

All persons and situations reflected in these writings are pretty much fictional, based on generalizations over the course of many years of counseling. Any actual events or settings have been changed, including names and other details, to protect client confidentiality.



Love Of/Or Altered States, Pt. 1

2/1/2019

2 Comments

 
Hey John,
I know you have written about it before, but now that I’m off probation I have started to drink some and smoke weed again. I’m old enough to know better to do this stuff while I’m driving, so I doubt I will ever have to deal with probation again. The problem is my girlfriend. We have been seeing each other for about two years, and I was not smoking or drinking during that time. She says alcohol changes my personality, so I hardly drink. Besides, as drugs go, I would rather smoke weed anyway. She says new studies show marijuana can cause mental illness. I say it’s probably not a good thing to use if you are mentally ill, but it doesn’t cause it. I love her more that I love getting high, so if it puts our relationship in danger, I’ll stop. What do you say?
P.S. Do you think Texas will ever legalize weed? With all these states legalizing marijuana, do you have an opinion?
Benjamin J.
 
Bennie,
You ask two big questions, so you’ll get two answers. Friday will be part One, and Monday or Tuesday will be Part Two.
 
Sometimes people get overly nervous when their spouse drinks or uses another drug and predicts somewhat unpleasant behaviors. Sometimes they’re wrong, more often times they’re right. Right or wrong, it shouldn’t really matter: why would we do stuff that scared the person we love?  Even if their fears are ungrounded, if they are scared, and we are the cause of it, do we want to scare the person we love and protect? We should take care of each other better than that. If you say, “Why shouldn’t she take care of me, ‘cause I just want to get high?” Comparing these two, not being scared is always a bigger deal than the need for altered states every  single  time.
I don’t know what has her scared: altered behaviors or the threat of mental illness. I am including a really interesting article from a recent New Yorker magazine to add to y’alls further education. I highly recommend it. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2019/01/14/is-marijuana-as-safe-as-we-think 
 I will comment on the marijuana issue in Part Two of this HeyJohn.
 
One problem with altered states (there are a few more) is that it often becomes the norm rather than the occasional “partying”. Both of your favorite drugs are undesirable as a norm. Alcohol is an older, longer observed drug, and we all know about the depressing or shit behaviors that can result. Obviously it’s not an issue with everyone, but you better keep your eyes on it. The immediate issue at hand is what a long-term loving relationship is supposed to be about. Be a great boyfriend or husband. Protect your gal. It’s an important thing to make her feel safe.
I personally have never found an altered state I loved more than my wife.
 
Please tune in for Part Two. I hope I don’t alienate my readers, but I have a thought to toss at you. See you Monday (2/4/19) or Tuesday.



Subscribe to John S. Sommer Counseling - Blog by Email


2 Comments
Cali Curmudgeon
2/1/2019 09:02:31 pm

"I personally have never found an altered state I loved more than my wife."
Possibly the best single line ever written about love, relationships and the choices we make.

Reply
j
2/3/2019 07:59:17 pm

A fine compliment. Thanks Cali, you're a decent human bean.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Behavioral
    Hey John Advice
    Other Stuff
    Parenting
    Relationships
    Semi Personal

    Picture

    About the Author

    I did NOT like writing stuff in school. However, now that it's voluntary, I like it. I'm still working on that attitude of mine.....

    Subscribe to John's Blog by email:

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner


    Facebook

    Categories

    All
    Behavioral
    Hey John Advice
    Other Stuff
    Parenting
    Relationships
    Semi Personal


    Archives

    December 2021
    September 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015


    All persons and situations reflected in these writings are pretty much fictional, based on generalizations over the course of many years of counseling. Any actual events or settings have been changed, including names and other details, to protect client confidentiality.

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.