Yes, the Dear Crabby Jr. Emergency Response System has been activated! Today’s installment deals with a ridiculous inquiry from one screwed up sister about the other screwed up sister. Abby Junior’s response was so mind-bending, I temporarily lost my ability to speak. So, in the interest of universal brain cells, I will respond. Additionally, in the interest of diversity and world peace, I will add my response to Jeannie, age 75, aka the daughter of Dear Abby 1. Please assume light paraphrasing:
Dear Crabby,
My sister is having an affair with a married man. She says his wife’s “a fat ass”, and the kid, uh, a little s-l-o-w. He buys my sister lots of stuff. He says he won’t leave his wife. She doesn’t care. She calls him honey. She’s good to trade sex for gifts. I was cheating with a married man a while ago. I broke up with him when he wouldn’t leave his pathetic wife. I think my sister’s a hoe. Should I feel this way?
Maine Sneaker
[Dear Crabby Jr.’s approximate response]:
Dear Sneaker,
“The two of you appear to have very different values*. You want the full meal deal, and she wants the goodies and crumbs”.
*exact quote
[Hey John ]
Dear Sneaker,
Aiiieeeeeee!! Is this for real??
First, you might ask, “why on earth would anyone print my mind-draining letter, much less respond to it?” Well Sneaky, all failing newspapers have turned to junk anyway, so why not print another ridiculous item? So, let’s burn up some more ink:
You both want what you want, regardless of the damage you may bring about. Morals, values, judgment, accountability are absent from you both. Did the both of you grow up with a poor role model? Was it your Mom or your Dad? Crabby Jr. says y’all have "very different values"? Whatever. You’re more like the dysfunctional home-wrecking twins.
If someone’s in a failing marriage, that’s a shame. But to cause or contribute to a failing marriage is a wholly different matter. You consider your actions to be better than your sister’s? I forget, what was that kinda religious thing about who’s chunkin’ the first stone? Also to consider, if you ever write a columnist and she doesn’t comment on y’alls screwed up thinking, it’s not supposed to be a proclamation that y’alls behavior is acceptable. If you feel like doing harm to someone for your own gratification, you need a whole lot more help than just writing a funky advice columnist.
You aren’t asking for advice. But, if you are going around feeling superior to your sister, you need a serious tune-up. The both of you. If y’all aren’t the type who wish to improve their lives as they get older, it would be wise to simply leave other people alone. Everyone.
p.s. Crabby Junior, a lot of people retire long before 75. May I offer a suggestion?
Dear Crabby,
My sister is having an affair with a married man. She says his wife’s “a fat ass”, and the kid, uh, a little s-l-o-w. He buys my sister lots of stuff. He says he won’t leave his wife. She doesn’t care. She calls him honey. She’s good to trade sex for gifts. I was cheating with a married man a while ago. I broke up with him when he wouldn’t leave his pathetic wife. I think my sister’s a hoe. Should I feel this way?
Maine Sneaker
[Dear Crabby Jr.’s approximate response]:
Dear Sneaker,
“The two of you appear to have very different values*. You want the full meal deal, and she wants the goodies and crumbs”.
*exact quote
[Hey John ]
Dear Sneaker,
Aiiieeeeeee!! Is this for real??
First, you might ask, “why on earth would anyone print my mind-draining letter, much less respond to it?” Well Sneaky, all failing newspapers have turned to junk anyway, so why not print another ridiculous item? So, let’s burn up some more ink:
You both want what you want, regardless of the damage you may bring about. Morals, values, judgment, accountability are absent from you both. Did the both of you grow up with a poor role model? Was it your Mom or your Dad? Crabby Jr. says y’all have "very different values"? Whatever. You’re more like the dysfunctional home-wrecking twins.
If someone’s in a failing marriage, that’s a shame. But to cause or contribute to a failing marriage is a wholly different matter. You consider your actions to be better than your sister’s? I forget, what was that kinda religious thing about who’s chunkin’ the first stone? Also to consider, if you ever write a columnist and she doesn’t comment on y’alls screwed up thinking, it’s not supposed to be a proclamation that y’alls behavior is acceptable. If you feel like doing harm to someone for your own gratification, you need a whole lot more help than just writing a funky advice columnist.
You aren’t asking for advice. But, if you are going around feeling superior to your sister, you need a serious tune-up. The both of you. If y’all aren’t the type who wish to improve their lives as they get older, it would be wise to simply leave other people alone. Everyone.
p.s. Crabby Junior, a lot of people retire long before 75. May I offer a suggestion?
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